


All Expenses Paid

by JustAnotherUnderstudy



Series: I Remember Your Mom [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Sexual Situations, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, I should not be encouraged, Light BDSM, More Madness, Older Woman/Younger Man, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Female Character, POV Male Character, POV Peggy Carter, POV Sarah Rogers, POV Steve Rogers, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Sex with my best friends mom, Sexual Content, Shower Sex, Smut, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6834880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherUnderstudy/pseuds/JustAnotherUnderstudy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah Rogers needs a holiday so she decides to visit her son at college. And see a few of the sites. And maybe take home a souvenir.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Shook Me All Night Long

**Author's Note:**

> OK, well, apparently I posted this. It was an accident. I was going to wait until I finished the whole story. And I was going to create a different title because, well, you'll see in the rest of the story. My muses took me in a different direction than I planned.
> 
> But, now it's out there so enjoy. With a cup of iced water or sweet tea, whatever takes your fancy.
> 
> Just FYI, I have this weird fetish for Bucky & Steve's mom. That's what this is about. But there is a bit of Steve & Peggy later because I adore them too.

The music was brash and loud, pulsing in her body, as Sarah Rogers weaved her way through the throngs of people to the bar. The revelry was to her liking. The shadowy nature of the club atmosphere was such a contrast to her day-to-day life as nurse, mother, neighbor, and friend. No one she knew would expect to find her in a place like this, and certainly never expect it for the intention with which she came. 

She ordered her drink and flirted with the girl who brought it back to her, slipping her tip into the young woman's tight tank top.

She didn't seem remotely interested, only polite. So Sarah turned her attention elsewhere. 

She'd become spoiled since Steve had left for college. Her free time was exclusively hers now, and instead of going out once a month for drinks and sex, she could do this several times a week. Her days and evenings were her own when off work, and she was taking advantage of that.

It wasn't that she hated her role as a mother, she had enjoyed it. She loved her son and was proud of him. But she had her own life and now she was going a bit overboard living it.

She was stirring her drink casually and looking around the room. The people watching was at least half the fun for her. The drunks and the lovers and the break-ups on the dance floor made for great entertainment. 

A soft hand on her ass drew her attention behind her. Another hand went around her waist and lips pressed to the back of her neck.

"You're new," a man's voice breathed against her shoulder as the hand on her ass smoothed up to cup her breast.

"And you're forward," she replied as her breath hitched when his fingers began to rub againat her nipple.

"I don't like to waste time," the man said. "We both know what we're here for so why mess around with the usual posturing?"

"I must say I like that idea," she told him.

He turned her slowly in his arms and Sarah swallowed the last of her drink and set it on the bar.

The man guided her to the dance floor and held her tightly against his hips. They ground against each other and began to kiss. His hands slipped inside her pants and he cupped her ass. She returned the favor by sliding his mouth open with her tongue.

"Oh, fuck, babe," he gasped when he came up for breath.

"If you'd like," she said.

"I need it," he said. "I need a good fuck."

She laughed at him.

"How long has it been?"

"Days, fucking days since I've had more than my hand," he moaned as she lowered her hand to brush against his cock.

"I want it inside me," she leaned in and whispered in his ear.

He took her hand and guided her toward the exit. He handed his keys to the valet and they made out while they waited.

He was very attentive, she could tell. He might be ready to pop as soon as she mounted him but Sarah had fucked through enough one-night stands to know if she was going to get what she wanted. This man was definitely going to make her happy for a few hours.

The valet returned with the car, an Audi and Sarah was glad it wasnt some timy Porcshe that would make it impossible to have any fun on the drive.

As they drove away, she slid her hand up his thigh to his hardened groin.

"Fuck, baby, you're gonna have to hold off so we don't crash," he laughed.

She smiled and moved her hand to his chest.

"How about I talk dirty instead?" 

He smirked.

"That would be perfect."

It wasn't a long drive from the club to the rambling suburban neighborhood where Bucky apparently lived. The garage door slid up and he pulled his car into park. The door wasn't down before Sarah straddled him. He leaned his seat back and squeezed her hips bruisingly as she dry fucked him.

"Baby, I want inside you," he managed to gasp out.

Sarah smiled down at him and began to undress.

Once she was naked, she opened his pants and pushed them down to his hips so only his cock was out. She caressed it, then jerked it until she was satisfied with how hard it was, and asked him for a condom. He fumbled it from his pocket and nearly dropped it. Sarah pulled it open and slipped it on.

He pulled her down to kiss her and fondle her tits. Then he slipped one hand between her legs.

"Oh, shit, you're already so damn wet," he smiled.

"Guess I want it as badly as you," she replied.

She reached down and guided him inside her and sighed as she sank down on his length.

It turned into a moan as he took one of her nipples into his mouth. She slowly began to ride him, hands on his shoulders. 

The car rocked back and forth, gaining momentum as she did. He slid a hand between them to find her clit.

"Fuck, I want to see how beautiful you are when you come," he hissed out as he gripped her hip with his free hand. 

More bruising, Sarah shivered at the pleasure of that thought.

She felt herself begin to quiver around him.

"Don't hold back, babe," he said. "Show me your beauty."

She looked down at him, the overhead light in the car was on and she could see him looking up at her, his eyes pleading for fulfillment. 

She rode him harder and just as she began to scream out in pleasure, he jerked up into her.

She thought briefly that if anyone else was at home they'd be getting an earful, but her pleasure was too great to care.

She collapsed atop him when they were both spent.

There was something about the anonymity of nameless sex that made Sarah go wild. She'd had a few boyfriends in her life but she'd never been so uninhibited as to fuck them in such a quasi-public place.

And she certainly had never allowed herself to thrill this way in her orgasm.

"We could shower and play around until I can fuck you again," he said.

"What do you have in mind for play," she smirked as she pushed herself up over him.

He began to caress her breasts.

"Maybe something that could cause you to scream like that again," he said.

He pulled one breast to his mouth.

"Anyone in the house?" She asked.

He shook his head.

"It's just us tonight, baby," he said.

Sarah opened the car door and crawled off him. 

"Want your clothes?" He asked as he eyed he appreciatively in the low light.

"What for?" 

He took in a shuddering breath and followed her out of the car.

There was a downstairs bath with a shower and Bucky took her straight there. He shucked his clothes and began to explore her body with his lips under the hot stream of water.

He seemed fascinated by her breasts.

"You've had a child," he said when she asked him.

"You think moms don't need sex too?" She asked.

"I just hope whoever has my baby fucks as good as you," he told her then slipped his fingers between her folds and into her cunt.

It was a delirious whirl of pleasure for the next several minutes and Sarah came again with another scream. This man was too good, she thought. 

"So good," she whispered in his ear as she collapsed against him.

He took her to his bedroom. Or, rather, a bedroom. Sarah couldn't imagine it was his. It looked like the guest bedroom. There was nothing truly personal about it at all. Which was how Sarah liked anonymous sex.

They kissed and caressed until they were both ready again. This time he turned her onto her back and guided himself inside.

"Hard," was all she said and he drove hard into her.

Sarah reveled in each thrust, in each groan from his throat, in the way the bed squeaked beneath them, in the way the headboard banged repeatedly against the wall shaking the bedside tables and their contents.

"Yes, oh, fuck, yes," she screamed.

It was so good. His groans and cries and the way he swore in her ear made her begin to quiver.

"Not yet," he ground out.

Sarah wasn't one for being told what to do during sex, but the command was tempered by the plea of desperation and Sarah gave in and held on.

It was excruciating, and she paid him back by scratching marks into his back. But that only seemed to thrill him more.

"Damn, bitch," she growled in his ear.

He chuckled.

"Your bitch if you play it right, baby," he told her.

Hell, if that wasn't the biggest turn on ever. 

Finally his hips stuttered.

"Let go," he barked into her ear.

And this time the command didn't make her hesitate.

They came together in a chorus of screams and shouts of pleasure. 

They lay still as they gasped and their heart rates slowed.

Finally, she felt him take a deep breath.

"I think I'd like to be your bitch."

Sarah huffed an amused breath into his hair as she kissed the top of his head.

"I'm only in town a few days," she said.

"Even better," he said and turned his face toward her. 

He had a sloppy grin on his face, combined with the post-coital haze in his eyes it made him look adorable.

"The sex will be even more intense with a time limit on it," he said.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"You're either pathetic or desperate."

He cocked his head in amusement.

"Trust me, baby, I haven't had the desire to be anyone's bitch, ever," he said.

"Is it because I've had a baby?" She smirked.

His eyes darkened.

"Fuck, it is," she laughed.

"I'm not married, if that's what you're hoping for," she told him.

"Well, that would be hot, except the whole husband hunting me down and killing me part," he laughed and rolled off her to rest his head on his arm and tease her tits with his other hand.

Sarah closed her eyes and relaxed before the expected arousal began. 

He was good, she had to give him that. She already was feeling the pulse of pleasure in her cunt again. Four orgasms from one guy in one night. Fuck, he was so good.

"I've never had a bitch before," she said.

She felt him shift then felt his lips against her shoulder.

"I'm a very good boy," he said. "Straight A student. My teachers love me."

The rough edge to his voice sent shivers theough her body. He leaned over her and took one tit into his mouth and she felt herself grow wet again.

"Do they love you on your knees?"

His breath caught.

"Down in front of them?"

He whimpered. 

"Pushing their skirts up?"

He groaned and began to move himself lower on the bed.

"Peeling their panties off?"

He was hovering over her pussy now, waiting. But Sarah had already had three orgasms in as many hours, so she could stand to make him wait, show her what a good bitch he could be to her.

"Did you press your tongue between their folds?"

He let out a strangled sound and breathed the scent of their sex deeply.

"Were you a good boy and only focused on doing what you were told? Or did you let your hand slip into your pants and give yourself pleasure while they weren't paying attention?"

"I'm a fucking good boy," he managed barely.

"I like good boys," she said. "And so far, you've been a very good boy. Let's see if you can pass this test."

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. She knew her look was feral but she couldn't help herself. She'd never had this much control over a man before and it felt damn good. 

"Can you follow multiple directions?" She asked.

He didn't roll his eyes, only nodded, a longing look on his face as he waited to be told what to do.

"First, I want you to eat me out, slowly, methodically, until I scream. Second, when I'm done screaming and I'm ready, I want you to sit here and get yourself off for me."

His pupils darkened and he nodded.

"Now, what does a good boy say?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied immediately. 

"Now, be a good boy and do what I said and maybe I'll let you be my bitch for a week."

He was a very good boy and Sarah felt herself getting closer but she held off because she was loving the feel of his tongue and fingers on her and inside her. It had been a long time since she'd been given such good oral sex. This man obviously had practice and she could imagine women paying for the privilege to spread themselves out before him.

He was getting desperate she could tell so she corrected him with a light slap on the top of his head. He slowed down again and Sarah finally allowed herself to give in.

True to his word, he waited until she could look at him and nodded for him to begin. He rested against the footboard and spread his legs so she could have a good view of his work in himself. 

He was obviously well practiced at this as well. He stroked himself with ease and reached down to caress his balls.

"Oh, fuck," she sighed.

She'd never watched a guy get himself off. Her boyfriends fucked her but never even wanted to watch her, her one night stands were too short to get to this point.

"What do you think about when you touch yourself?" She asked.

A smile came to his face.

"My first girl," he said softly.

"What was she like?"

"Red hair, perfect tits, nice ass, tough as nails, liked me on my knees, liked to be on her knees," he said. 

"How old were you?" 

"We were just fourteen when we started dating," he said. "Holding hands, then kissing, then exploring each others bodies."

He moaned and shifted himself slightly. Sarah turned her eyes away from his face to watch him stroke his cock. It was big, even in his hand and she smiled at the memory of it inside her.

"You like?" 

Sarah looked up at him. He smiled knowingly.

"A lot," she admitted.

"Want some?" He asked.

She cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you defying my request?" 

"No, ma'am," he smiled and he was too damned cocky. "Just offering."

She shook her head.

"I've never watched a man do this," she said.

"Well, happy to be your first," he said.

There were more questions she had for him, she wanted him to tell her about the first time his girlfriend got him off. About how he'd felt the first time he'd fucked, the first time his girlfriend went down on him. Questions she'd never dared ask a lover.

But she found herself mesmerized by the movement of his hands along the skin of his dick and his balls. Soon his moans began to turn into grunts.

"Tell me when, ma'am," he grunted. 

She felt a smirt come to her face and she let him wait. His noises became higher in pitch as he became more strained.

"How badly do you want to be my bitch this week?" She asked.

"So. Fucking. Bad," he gasped out.

Sarah gave it another minute, reveling in the power she was weidling. No man had ever given her this and she was wet again just thinking about it.

"Cum," she finally said.

He hollered out loudly as the semen spewed forth from his dick. He came all over his hands and the sheets. Then he collapsed against the bed, panting.

"I've never had a bitch before," she said. "Let's go in the shower and you can show me how you like to be cared for."

"I've got a better idea," he smiled.

The master bedroom obviously belonged to someone. Family photos lined the dresser and a larger picture of a couple hung in a place of prominence. The man looked like an older version of the one leading her into the bathroom.

There was a spa tub and he filled it, even adding bath salts and she wondered briefly if his mother would be pissed off at him for that.

She pushed that awkward thought aside as she sank down into the water with him. 

He'd thought about this, she could tell. He showed her what to do and she forced back the question if he did this for all the women he fucked. Not her business. He was hers for the week, that was all that mattered.

She dressed as he called for a cab, he put a sweater from the front hall closet around her.

Then they pulled out their phones to exchange numbers.

"James," he said when she asked his name.

"Sarah," she smiled.

He walked her to the cab and kissed her soundly before she got in.

Then she was driving off, wondering if the number was real, or the name. And hoping she wouldn't be sorry for the fantasies she'd indulge in until she saw him again.


	2. Mrs. Robinson?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn't see this coming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two. Not sure how fast these will post because, um, I hadn't intended to post any of them yet so I still have to edit the rest and finish the last chapter. 
> 
> As a side note, since too many people think that what people write, or parts actors play, is some sort of insight into what they believe is truth, let me say, I do not promote one night stands. I thought of about 20 ways to turn this into a story about a serial killer in the first chapter alone. :D Yeah, I know that's stupid since the statistics support the fact that you are more likely to be murdered by someone you know.
> 
> Feedback welcome. And sorry to intrude into the Peggy/Steve shipping page with a non-Peggy/Steve-centric story.

Sarah stretched naked beneath the hotel sheets as she woke. Damn, if she couldn't still feel James' hands and lips and tongue all over her.

She slipped one hand down between her legs and rested one on her tit as she fantasized about more sex with him. She bit her lip as she made herself come then lay on the bed momentarily to catch her breath.

She was walking toward the shower when her son's ring tone began to play in her phone.

"Hi, sweetie," she said as she reached for her robe.

He couldn't see her but she still felt self-conscious about it.

"Did you find enough to keep you busy last night?" He asked.

An innocent question but Sarah blushed. As much as she liked her extra-curricular activities, they were a secret, and secrets weren't something she was good with.

"Yes," she answered and suppressed a shiver as her mind conjured the memory of James' hand between her legs as the shower sprayed against them.

"I'm sorry I had to work," he said. "I guess I should have taken the week off."

"You wouldn't have been paid," she said.

He hadn't been at his job long enough to have earned a vacation.

She heard him sigh.

"I'm off at 3 today, then you can come by, see the place, meet Peggy."

"Sounds like fun," she smiled.

"Sure you'll be OK until then?" Steve asked.

"Steve, honestly, you're worse than a mother hen," she sighed dramatically.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." She could hear his smile over the phone.

Sarah showered then went downstairs to the dining area to have breakfast. 

She was on her way back to her room when James' first text arrived.

" _Still thinking about last night._ "

"Really? Does the thought make you hard?"

" _Fuck yes. I was so hard and halfway coming when I got up. Barely made it to the shower._ "

Sarah smiled at the image that conjured as she slid her card through the reader on the door handle.

"When do you want to get together?"

" _Aren't you supposed to command me?_ "

Sarah took a sharp breath at the pleasure that created 

" _Call me_."

She bolted the door and took the phone into the bath as it began to ring.

"I want to have phone sex first," she said in answer.

"Sounds good," he replied.

"Are you alone?" she asked.

"Would it be more of a turn on if I said 'no?'"

Sarah drew a deep breath and started the water.

"Are you getting into the bath?" He asked.

"Yes, it'll remind me of last night." She replied.

"I'm alone," he said. "My roommates are both at work."

"Ok, I want you to strip," she said and switched to speaker phone.

"Ok,"

"What are you supposed to say?"

He chuckled.

"Yes, ma'am, " he said.

"Don't get cheeky young man, "

"What'll you do?" His voice was teasing.

"Punish you by not letting you come," she told him.

"Alright, I'll be good." 

She sank into the hot bath with a sigh.

"That sounds good," he said.

"Are you naked?"

"Yes, ma'am, "

Sarah smiled.

"Stroke yourself," she said. "And tell me about the first time your girlfriend got you off."

She heard a strangled noise from James' end of the call.

"Oh, damn, I love to think about that," he said. "This doesn't sound very much like me being your bitch."

"Well, how about we alter the meaning of bitch to one who fulfills sexual fantasies no one else ever has."

"Oh," he said and Sarah knew he understood from last night what she meant.

"You're curious about the sex life of your other lovers. "

"Yes," she admitted, blushing to her roots.

Bucky was thorough in his story, giving her explicit information about his pleasure in a way no man had before.

By the time his girlfriend was riding his cock and the two were getting each other off dry fucking Sarah came with a quiet cry.

He continued the story, off the sofa and into the shower.

When she was done she had to ask.

"Was that the truth?"

"Yes," he said, his voice strained.

Sarah waited a moment before continuing. 

"You still love her," she said 

She heard him take a deep, shaky breath.

"She's with someone else now," he said. "She said she didn't want to be tied down so young."

Sarah closed her eyes. His voice was pained and she felt a pull to him.

"When did you ask her to marry you?"

"Our junior year," 

Sarah was silent.

"Stupid, huh?"

"No, James, it's not if you were really in love," she told him. "I'm sorry for making you think about it."

"You didn't make me," he assured her. "I'm always thinking about it."

"Does she know?"

"Yeah," he said.

They were silent for a few minutes before Sarah drained the tub.

"Do you still want to do this?" She asked.

"Desperately, " he sighed.

"Still trying to get her out of your system?" She asked.

"Afraid so,"

"OK, how about tonight around 9?"

"Sure,"

"I'll text you my address when I'm on my way back to the hotel."

Sarah spent the rest of the day on her own. Steve had chosen a mid-sized city to go to school in and it had a nice downtown area. She shopped and ate and pondered James' predicament. 

He had to be at least 21. Which would have made him maybe a junior in college. At least four years since the end of his relationship. Maybe she was making a mistake spending the week having sex with someone who held on that long.

Steve called her at three and she drove over to the house he had rented with his two friends. Their required on campus freshman year over, they had wanted out as soon as finals were over. Sarah had admired their desire to be independent, though she thought it had more to do with girls. 

Steve had mentioned a girl he liked and had started dating, but Steve was not a guy who moved quickly. He had never dated in high school. The girls at school who wanted him his junior and senior years being the same who thought themselves too good for him before that.

Peggy sounded like a nice girl and Sarah looked forward to meeting her today.

The house was in a nice neighborhood not far from the college. She looked across the street and her breath caught. There was a tan Audi not unlike James' car.

Sarah shook her head. That would be ridiculous. This was nowhere near that neighborhood. 

Steve greeted her with a smile and a hug.

"Oh, I've missed you, mom," he said.

"You too, sweetie," she said.

She hadn't thought she'd be so emotional, but the tears sprang to her eyes.

She pulled tissues from her purse and handed one to Steve before dabbing her eyes.

A movement behind Steve caught her eye. A beautiful brunette smiled affectionately at the scene. Sarah recognized her from the pictures Steve had sent and knew that Peggy and she were going to get along fine.

They shook hands and the two led her into the small living room.

"My roommates will be down in a minute to meet you," Steve said. "Would you like a drink?"

"A soda would be fine," she said as she sat on the couch.

"I'll get it,' Peggy offered.

The look Steve gave her as she walked away was that of a man smitten with no hope of recovery. 

It made Sarah smile.

She heard someone coming down the stairs and Steve turned that direction.

Sarah was glad she was sitting. At the foot of the stairs was James, staring in surprise at her.

"Bucky, come meet my mom," Steve smiled.

"Your," James said but the rest of his sentence was strangled.

"Give it a rest, Barnes, it's my mom," Sarah heard Steve whisper harshly at the man.

"Your mom," he whispered.

Sarah finally stood and said hello.

James walked over as if in a haze and shook her hand.

"Mrs. Rogers, " he said softly. "It's nice to meet you.

"You too, Bucky," she said.

The name sounded foreign on her lips. Her mind whispering "James" in her imaginary pleasure from earlier.

"Honestly, Bucky," Peggy's voice behind Sarah startled her and she dropped James'--Bucky’s--hand.

"You don't have to flirt with every beautiful woman you meet," she admonished as she handed Sarah the glass.

Another pair of feet came bounding down the stairs and distracted the group.

"Mom, this is Sam," Steve said.

"Mrs. Rogers, it's a pleasure," he said.

They shook hands and Sarah smiled through her confusion.

"Well, Steve says you all have dinner plans," he said. "I've got some of my own."

His eyes flicked nervously toward James--no, Bucky--and he said his goodbye's.

Everyone was looking at Sam depart, but Sarah was watching Bucky. There was a pain in his eyes that reminded her of their earlier conversation about his ex-girlfriend. 

Which instantly reminded her that Bucky was not 21, but 19 at the most.

Fake ID, she thought. The rest hadn't been fake. He'd fucked her like a man with a good amount of experience, not like any 19yo boy she'd ever had in college.

"Well, I, uh, have to go to out," Bucky said. "It was really nice meeting you."

In his eyes Sarah saw sadness and confusion and a struggle that hadn't been there last night.

He took her hand again and Sarah blinked back the tears that threatened. 

And then he was gone out the door.

To their credit, neither Peggy nor Steve mentioned Bucky's supposed flirting again. Sarah wondered if they knew about Bucky's ex, and Sam. She asked about each of the roommates in turn.

Sam was a psychology major, his girlfriend was Natasha. If Peggy or Steve knew she was Bucky’s ex, as Sarah suspected, they both hid it well.

Bucky was still undeclared and mostly seemed to be attending college at his parents insistence. He spent a lot of time charming the ladies and partying. 

Both Steve and Peggy obviously cared for him, but they thought he was nothing more than a playboy sowing his wild oats.

That night, Sarah texted Bucky but told him they needed to talk. It was certainly not going to be the night either had planned.

When Bucky arrived, his eyes showed a wariness and Sarah felt the same. She'd bought some lingerie and other things for the night, but they would remain in a bag in the closet.

They sat at the small table by the window in silence for several minutes.

"I'm not going to tell Steve," Bucky finally said.

"Thank you," Sarah told him.

Then they were silent again.

What was there to say? Sarah thought the situation was absurd. Bucky was, without a doubt, the best fuck she'd ever had. He was so good at what he'd done to her that despite this revelation, Sarah's body was still humming in anticipation. 

"I wanted to ask about Sam," she said softly hoping to take her mind off that feeling.

Bucky’s reaction was instant. The emotion was raw that flashed across his face and so palpable that Sarah felt it.

"His girlfriend, Natasha, that's you ex," she said.

Bucky nodded.

"Steve doesn't know," Sarah said.

Bucky shook his head.

They were quiet again as Sarah watched Bucky who stared across the room and warred with his feelings.

Sarah wasn't sure if it was the fact that she knew Bucky was Steve's friend or if she had already internally considered having this conversation with him at some point during the week. She'd never kept a sex partner longer than a day since she'd, for lack of a better word, adopted this lifestyle. Maybe this was why. It got messy and personal and there were messy, personal things Sarah didn't want to deal with herself. 

"I told Sam it was OK," Bucky finally said. "He's a great guy and I want Natasha to be happy."

"What about you?" She asked. "What about you allowing yourself to be happy?"

"I will be, some day," he said. "I just need to get her out of my system."

"And you think fucking every woman you meet will help," she said.

Bucky took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Sarah already knew the answer. Her answer was the same. She and Bucky didn't live this way because they thought it would improve them, they lived this way to dull the pain. The illicit sex was like a legal drug. 

"What about you?" He asked.

Sarah shrugged. 

"I like the thrill," she said. 

The look Bucky gave her didn't show he was convinced.

"I guess I just figured if all people wanted me for was sex, why bother getting my heart involved?" she confessed.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I tried to date for several years after I had Steve, but there were no guys who were interested in instant fatherhood," she said. "On my 30th birthday, I left Steve with a friend for a week and went up to Niagara. Let it all hang out, I guess, went more than a little crazy," she said. "Had sex with anyone and everyone who was willing."

"It helped?" he asked.

Sarah shook her head.

"No, but it didn't hurt," she told him.

"After that, once a month I'd take a night and find a club and hook up," she said. "After Steve moved here, I used all my spare time doing that."

Sarah hoped her words would help Bucky. She knew there were many people she'd been with over the last few years who were just looking for a good time, but she also knew she wasn't the only one who did it to numb the pain of rejection.

"So it's not because of Steve's dad?" he asked.

Sarah's breath caught involuntarily at the mention of Joseph. She didn't like to think about him at all.

"What has Steve told you?" she asked.

"That he was an asshole," Bucky replied.

"Steve swore?" Sarah found that unbelievable. Swearing was something Steve thought unnecessary and downright ugly.

Bucky chuckled.

"No, but that's my interpretation."

Sarah grimaced.

"He's an asshole." she said.

"What happened?" he asked.

Sarah shook her head and wondered what good it would do to tell Bucky. 

"We dated our senior year and I got pregnant," she said. "He told me to have an abortion but I told him I'd just give the baby up for adoption.

"So he came up with this idea that we'd move in together and raise the kid. Only his idea of move in together was to live in his bedroom at his parents house.

"My parents were upset but Steve's dad refused to sign the papers so I could give him up for adoption. We got a legal custody agreement and I thought That would be enough.

"My parents were nice but realistic. My dad said my mom wouldn't be one of those grandma's who babysat without pay so I went to work and school and paid my mom. It was good, I guess.

"Then when Steve was two..."

Sarah's voice cracked. She'd never talked to anyone about this.

She felt Bucky’s hand take hers and for some reason that calmed her.

"His dad decided one night to go to a brothel. He told Steve he had to lay down in the back seat and couldn't move or he'd beat him. 

"I had no idea he'd been hurting Steve. I should have asked but I was...I don't know why I never asked him."

She paused again.

"The police found him after one of the prostitutes came out with Joseph and he took her in the car.

"Steve had peed and crapped his pants and he was whimpering because he hadn't eaten in hours.

"The woman told Joseph that she wanted to stop by a convenience store and get some cigarettes and she told the manager to call the cops.

"He didn't even get any jail time. They gave him supervised visits and if Joseph hadn't...

She stopped again.

"He took Steve. Knocked out the social worker and took him.

"He finally lost custody and went to prison. While he was there, my dad moved me to another state into a county where the courts would be more inclined to rule in my favor if Joseph ever came after us.

"But he didn't." she finished.

"What happened?" Bucky asked.

"He was out in 6 mos but we never heard from him. I don't know why, and I don't care." she replied. "No one where we live knows, I don't even know if Steve remembers."

It was so quiet for several minutes after that,  that Sarah startled when the air conditioning turned back on.

"You're an amazing woman," Bucky told her.

Sarah looked at him in surprise. 

"What? Your beautiful, you could have easily got a husband if you'd wanted, but Steve was important enough that you sacrificed." he said.

"Hardly a sacrifice," she said. "What kind of a man would he be if he wanted to marry me but not be a father to Steve?"

Bucky gave her a look she couldn't decipher. Like he was surprised and pleased by her response, and like she was some sort of anomaly for it.

"God, I want to kiss you so badly right now," his voice was gruff with emotion.

Sarah squeezed his hand.

"Could you go home and face Steve if you did?"

Bucky sighed.

"You're an important friend to Steve," she said. "I don't want to come between that."

Bucky opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. 

Then he stood.

"I guess I should go," his voice was quiet, almost sad and Sarah regretted that he couldn't stay but now that Steve was a factor, Sarah wouldn't have been able to enjoy herself at all.

She walked him across the room to the door and opened it for him.

He looked down and reached his hand up to her face.

"You deserve to be happy, Sarah," he said.

"So do you, Bucky."

She shut the door behind him, not wanting to tempt herself by watching him walk away. Then she fell onto the bed and pulled the pillow over her head.

Sarah hadn't cried so hard in years, but she hadn't thought of Joseph in years. What she'd told Bucky had only scratched the surface of what that man had done to her and Steve.

Why she'd told Bucky, she didn't know. Maybe she felt the need to distance herself from him and figured talk of her ex-boyfriend would do that. It had with men before.

Finally, she fell into a dark and tortured sleep.


	3. That's What Friends Are For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, I didn't see that coming. This was supposed to be a straight forward sex romp and it's turned into this angst ridden soap opera. 
> 
> The idea behind Joseph being abusive came from an article I recently read about the many incarnations of Cap. I guess his newest is that Joseph didn't die in WW1 but was abusive to him and Sarah. I don't read the comics so that was news to me. 
> 
> This chapter is Bucky's POV.

Bucky drove around for an hour after he visited Sarah. He considered going out to a club, but Sarah's story was stuck in his head, and the feel of her touch from the night before was still on his skin.

He wasn't one for love at first sight, and that wasn't what it had been, but Sarah had given him the best sex he'd had since Natasha and he had broken their no-sex agreement on grad night a year earlier.

Now, though, that she was Steve's mom, she was off-limits. Sarah was right. He probably couldn't even kiss her and look Steve in the eye again. It was already going to be difficult enough.

When Bucky arrived home the house was dark. Sam was working tonight and Steve was probably sleeping. He had to work in the morning and Steve was nothing if not diligent about getting enough sleep to be ready for the next day.

Bucky trudged into the house and, for the first time in a very long time, he wasn't even thinking about sex. Instead he was wondering if he'd been doing the right thing, whoring himself out to ease the pain of losing Natasha. Was it really making him happy? He'd never considered that question before.

He was startled by the light in the living room turning on as he shut the door.

He turned to see Steve sitting on the couch looking for all the world like a disapproving father greeting his son who'd just come home after curfew.

"We need to talk," Steve said, but the tone of his voice told Bucky that Steve was going to do most of the talking.

Bucky sat dutifully in the recliner to face Steve.

"My mom is not some random woman you can ogle and fantasize about," he said.

Bucky tried to wave him off.

"I wasn't even," he said, but Steve interrupted him.

"Don't lie, Bucky," he said. "I saw the way you looked at her."

Bucky rolled his eyes.

"Bucky, you've never looked at a woman the way you looked at my mom," he said.

Bucky was caught up short at his friend's words.

"What?"

"You looked at her like it was the biggest disappointment that she was my mom because, well..." Steve paused and waved his hand in the air as if Bucky should know what he was going to say next.

 Bucky sighed dramatically. 

"Steve, I get it, no touchy your mommy," he started to get up but Steve put his hand on his arm and Bucky sat back down.

"You don't act like you get it," Steve practically growled at him. "She's been through enough, she doesn't need to be used by some college kid who can't reign in his hormones long enough to consider that the people he's having sex with are just that, people, with feelings and needs."

Bucky stared back at Steve who was glaring at him now. He thought of everything Sarah had told him earlier, and the fact that Sarah didn't think Steve remembered what his father did.

"What has she been through?" He asked seriously.

Steve relaxed back into the couch.

"My dad, and others," he said.

"What did your dad do?"

"He hurt my mom," Steve said, but didn't look at Bucky.

"And you," Bucky said. 

Steve shrugged as if what his dad did to him was unimportant. 

"What did he do?"

"He was mean," Steve said.

"Did he hit your mom?"

Steve nodded and closed his eyes. Bucky realized Sarah had only told him part of the story.

"I remember when I was little he hit her and told her if she ever said anything he'd take me away and she'd never see me again."

"How old were you?"

"About two."

Bucky swallowed the thick lump in his throat and Steve shook his head as if to shake the memories away.

"She never got married, because of me," he said.

"You?"

Steve nodded.

"I overheard her once talking to my grandma in the phone telling her that there was no use dating because no guy wanted her AND me." He explained. "You know she's a pediatric nurse because she loves kids. She wanted to have more but she couldn't because of me."

Bucky knew this was something Steve had never told his mom, and probably not even Peggy.

He understood now why Sarah had told him about Steve's dad. It was what Sam called a distancing technique. Something a person did to make another person stay away from them.

Steve was telling him this so Bucky would stay away from Sarah. And Sarah had told him for the same reason.

"She's still young," Bucky said. "What is she 35? 36?"

"36"

"See, she could still meet someone and have a few kids."

 "I..." he hesitated and looked at Bucky as if assessing if he could tell him. "I don't think she's interested anymore."

"Did she say something?" Bucky asked.

Steve looked as if he might be sick. Bucky wasn't sure what to make of it anymore. There was more involved than just Steve trying to keep Bucky away from Sarah. He'd suggest Steve talk with Sam but Bucky had a feeling Steve just wanted to talk, not be analyzed. 

"When I was a kid my mom used to go out once a month and leave me to spend the night with a friend," Steve said.

Bucky breathed slowly to hide his surprise at Steve's awareness as to what his mom had been doing.

"When I got older I figured that she was secretly dating some guy who, like she told my grandma, didn't want to be my dad as well."

Steve took a shaky breath and Bucky wondered if he shouldn't call Sarah and have her come over and talk with Steve. Bucky was fairly certain he had at least an inkling what Steve was about to tell him.

"When I was 16 I decided I was old enough to deal with a guy who just wanted my mom, if he at least made her happy, so one night I decided to follow her to her date and confront them."

Now Bucky began to feel sick. If Steve had indeed followed Sarah on one of those nights, he'd have gotten an eyeful.

"She hardly looked like herself," Steve's voice was a gruff whisper and his eyes were unfocused, no longer seeing the room or Bucky, but the memory. 

"She went to a club and came out with a guy and," Steve looked to be literally choking on the words.

"Was it the guy she was dating?" He asked, though he knew the answer.

Steve laughed in a loud, harsh bark.

"There was no guy she was dating," he said. "There were just guys she was hooking up with."

Bucky waited in silence. Steve leaned forward and put his face in his hands. His shoulders shook as if he was crying, and Bucky didn't doubt that he was.

"It's all my fault," Steve's voice was muffled but Bucky heard the words clearly.

"It's your fault your mom hooks up with guys for sex?" Bucky asked unbelieving.

Steve nodded but didn't look up.

"If it hadn't been for me my mom could have found someone else and married and had as many kids as she wanted."

"Has your mom ever told you that's what she wanted?" He asked.

Steve shook his head.

"Has she ever treated you as if she didn't want you?"

Again, Steve shook his head.

"Look, your mom is human and maybe she just wants to have sex because it makes her feel good," he said. "But because she's figred out most guys are assholes, she's opted to use them the way they want to use her."

Bucky realized immediately that was the wrong thing to say. Steve looked up at him, eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched the way he did when he saw or thought about an injustice.

"Look, I'm just saying that some people happen to like sex, and..."

Steve cut him off.

"She deserves better," he bit out.

Bucky nodded.

"Yes, she does," he said. "But how is it better for her to be with a guy who doesn't care about you? And, really, if the guy doesn't care about you, how can he actually be in love with your mom?"

Steve looked back at Bucky now and Bucky knew Steve realized the conversation had just transistioned from Steve's mom, to Bucky's dad.

"I live down the street from my dad and the only time I hear from him is when he and Julia are going away and they need me to housesit," he said.

"I hadn't been gone from the house a week after I moved onto campus with you and Sam, and Julia turned my room into a guest room for her own kids."

"Shit, my dad sees them more than he sees me."

"That's where they are right now, isn't it?" Steve asked.

Bucky nodded.

Steve stood and walked into the kitchen, he returned a moment later with a six pack.

"Don't you have to work?"

"Yeah, but I can call in sick," he said. "I never have."

Bucky looked at Steve as if he'd just said he wanted to rob a bank.

"You're more important than my job, Buck."

He opened a bottle and passed it to Bucky who took a long swallow.

"Your mom is amazing," Bucky said.

"Yeah?" 

"She raised a good man," Bucky smiled.

"Well, you're a good man in spite of the fact that your dad is a jerk," Steve said.

They each drank down three beers and, despite the fact that Steve never drank that much and probably had a headache in the morning, Bucky wasn't surprised when he woke and found Steve had gone to work.

He felt compelled to text Sarah.

"Your son is a good man. You did a great job."


	4. Hold Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bucky finds his resolve is nearly non-existent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty. light BDSM, very light, really just referenced.

With Steve at work, Bucky knew Sarah would be doing her own thing and that was a bit more than he could handle. He tried not to think about how she would have been with him, but his mind wouldn't stop playing the pleasurable scenarios.

If Steve and Sarah thought the truth about Steve's abusive father would drive him away, they were wrong. Even Bucky was surprised at the way he now wanted to make everything up to them, give them what they should have had. And in Sarah's case, that apparently included a lot of pleasure. 

He tried a cold shower, but only minutes after getting out he felt himself hardening and lay down on his bed and gave himself over to it.

Sarah had been so curious about what sex was like for him. He wanted to tell her. And now he wanted to know what it was like for her. 

He rested his back against his headboard and fantasized about that night with her, how she was fascinated by his act of masturbation. He thought about what it would be like to watch her touch herself and tell him about her favorite sexual experiences. He wondered if she'd tell him how it felt to have a man sink into her, what she was feeling when he licked her and made her cum with only his mouth.

Bucky moaned softly and let the memories of her riding him in his car flood over his body. He was so hard now, he felt his body begin to light up with the pleasure, but he didn't want this to end, because when it was done, he knew it wouldn't be the same as having her there, resting on him, catching her breath with him.

Finally, he could hold on no longer, and he gave in in a rush of heat, the cum pouring out onto his hand and shirt.

He sat unmoving for several minutes. The post-ejaculation hum in his body was never as good as true post-coitol bliss. He loved the feel of the woman's body pressed against his, the scent of their sex together. 

He heard the front door open and shut and that snapped him out of his haze. He pulled his shirt off and wiped himself up with it, then slipped into the bathroom quietly to finish cleaning himself before heading downstairs.

He found Sam in the kitchen making himself some healthy juice lunch. For all of Steve's perfection, Bucky was glad the guy at least didn't eat like Sam. How many kale smoothies could a guy drink before losing his mind?

"Healthy lunch?" 

"I try," Sam said.

"Working tonight?"

Sam hesitated only a second but it was long enough to know the answer was 'no' and that Sam's plans for tonight included Natasha. 

"Just going out," he said.

"You can say her name," Bucky said as he pulled a Coke out of the fridge.

Sam sighed.

"I'm sorry, Bucky," he said. "I wish things were different."

"I don't, " Bucky told him. "If she's gonna date someone besides me, at least I know you're treating her right."

"Thanks, man," Sam said. "I appreciate that you can handle this."

Bucky shrugged.

"It's not easy, but it's what she wants," Bucky said.

"You know, you're pretty mature for your age," Sam said.

"My age?" Bucky laughed. "Fuck you, you're only a year older than me."

Sam laughed with him.

"Yeah, I guess that's why the other guys in the dorm thought we were all old."

Bucky laughed.

"They only thought Steve was old," he said.

"Stark still calls him dad when he sees him," Sam replied.

"Well, better than gramps, I suppose."

Bucky took some pizza out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for a minute then joined Sam at the table.

"If I asked you a question, could you keep it to yourself?"

Sam nodded. It was needless for Bucky to ask, but he wanted Sam to know he needed serious answers.

"Do you think a young guy could fall in love with an older woman?"

"I don't see why not," Sam replied.

"What if that young guy was someone whose mother had died when he was younger, could it be he was actually attracted to the older woman to replace his mother?"

"You been reading Freud?" Sam asked.

Bucky shrugged.

"Look attraction is a complicated thing, love is even more complicated." Sam said.

"But that's what people would think, right?" Bucky asked.

"Depends on how progressive they were," Sam said. 

Sam finished the smoothie.

"You don't think you're in love with Steve's mom, do you?" He asked Bucky.

"What?" Bucky choked.

"Steve and Peggy mentioned how you looked at her," Sam said.

Bucky moaned and rested his head in his hands.

"That's not the whole story," he said.

"Do you want to tell me the whole story?" Sam asked. "Would that make you feel better?"

"I already knew her," he said quietly.

"Knew? How?"

"I met her at a club," Bucky said.

"Oh, hell, no, Bucky," Sam figured it out quickly. "Steve is going to kill you."

"Yeah, I know," Bucky admitted.

"So is it lust or do you really think you, um, well, sleep with Steve's mom and now you're in love with her?"

"She let me talk about Nat," he said. "Wanted to know about her. About how it ended and why."

Sam nodded.

"I just, I don't know what to do," Bucky sighed.

"Well, she's going back home in a few days," Sam reminded him. "That might tell you whether this is real or not."

Bucky shrugged. 

"What? Do you want me to tell you to pursue Steve's mom?"

"No," Bucky defended. "I'm just...I just don't know how I feel."

"I'd say give it time, but you're still nursing your broken heart from Natasha."

He wasn't wrong. Bucky would take Natasha back in an instant.

"Maybe that's what this is all about," Sam said.

Bucky had no answer. He only knew that he felt differently about Sarah now, and Steve as well. He felt as if they'd been robbed of something important and he wanted to help them replace it.

That night Steve took Sarah out but he met her at the hotel. Bucky waited until Steve returned to go for a drive he knew would take him to the one place he should avoid.

He knocked on Sarah's hotel room door fifteen minutes later. When she opened it to him she didn't look wary or hesitant, she looked relieved.

Bucky took that as a good sign and didn't pause his stride as he walked in and took her into his arms. His lips crushed against hers and she responded in kind.

She fumbled behind her with the door and Bucky pushed her back against it and latched the locks as he trailed kisses down her neck that turned into bites as he pushed her collar away from her shoulder.

"Oh, god, Bucky, yes," she moaned. "Fuck, I need you."

They made their way to the bed, shucking their clothes as they went, by the time they crashed onto the mattress, Bucky had sheathed himself and Sarah spread her legs to take him in.

He fucked her in long, hard strokes. She gave a whimper with each thrust.

"Oh, fuck, you turn me on, Sarah," he growled into her ear. "I had such a good orgasm fantasizing about you today. I need to fuck you so badly, I need to cum inside you. You feel so fucking perfect."

Bucky felt himself giving way and reached between them to Sarah's clit. 

"Cum with me, baby, cum with me now," he said, panting and sweating against her.

She began to quiver then breathed out his name in a harsh breath between gritted teeth.

They thrust hard together and Bucky wished he'd taken her to his parents house again where the bed could slam up against the wall and shake the house.

When they collapsed together, Bucky looked at the clock.

"Shit, babe, that was the best quickie I've ever had," he said.

"You must have been on a hair trigger," she chuckled.

"Well, it has been nearly 48 hours since I banged your pussy," he said and began to bite on her collarbone to leave a mark.

"I love it when you talk dirty, babe," she said.

He shuddered.

"I love you calling me babe," he said.

He bit down harder until he was sure he'd leave teeth marks and she cried out.

"But I love it best when you call me bitch," he told her.

Bucky smiled as Sarah's gaze turned feral.

"Tell me what to do," he whispered. "Command me. Make me your bitch."

Sarah's whole body shook and she glanced over at the closet.

Bucky followed her gaze.

"Is there something in there?" He asked. "Something I can use to please you?"

She nodded but said nothing.

"Don't be shy now, baby," he said. "Tell me what to do so I can worship you."

He leaned over her and kissed her gently and rubbed her tit with his hand. She moaned and Bucky deepened the kiss.

"I'm going to get whatever's in the closet," he said.

The bag was devoid of a store name, which wasn't surprising considering what Bucky found inside.

He pulled out some cuffs and some leather ties, a blindfold, a police woman costume, and a collar with a lead.

He took the collar to her and handed it to her.

"First, where's the vibrator or whatever you bought to get yourself off?"

"In the top drawer," she said.

He opened the drawer and moved her panties aside to reveal the item.

"You used it?"

He smiled as he walked back to her.

"What the hell else could I do?" She asked. "I wanted to fuck my son's best friend. I could hardly placate myself with another dick."

"I'm glad you think I'm that good," he replied.

He sat before her and waited for her to fasten the collar around his neck.

"I do want this," he said when she hesitated.

"I've never," she said.

"I know, only fantasies," he replied. "I want to make those fantasies come true."

****

The next morning Bucky woke to delicate fingers playing across his chest and soft lips teasing his nipples.

"Oh, god, I've never felt so good," he sighed.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked.

"What?"

He looked at her and saw she'd put the collar on.

Bucky let his head fall back.

"I want you to tell me if he ever forced you to do anything you didn't want."

Sarah stilled.

"Steve remembers more than you think, Sarah," he said.

Sarah's body immediately began to shake and Bucky pulled her up into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want to upset you. It’s just, he’s carrying this around with him and I think you two should talk.”

“I don’t even know what to say to him,” she said. “I was so terrible to let us stay in that situation.”

“You were afraid,” Bucky told her. “You were afraid to lose Steve. But you don’t have to be now.”

He reached over beside the bed and pulled some tissues out of the box on the side table and handed them to Sarah.

“Steve doesn’t hate you,” he said. “He worries about you.”

Sarah’s stomach chose that moment to remind them they hadn’t eaten breakfast.

“I’ll order some room service,” she said.

Bucky shook his head.

“No, I want to take you out,” he told her.

“But?”

“No one will think anything, and Steve is at work,” he reminded her.

“OK,” she agreed. “Join me in the shower.”

He reached up to her neck.

“Need to take this off first,” he said. “It’s real leather, besides, it looks better on me.”


	5. What Miss Carter Saw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy notices things, things she's not sure Steve would like to know about.

Peggy viewed the scene before her partially amused, partially worried.

While Steve was obviously relieved that Bucky was no longer flirting with Sarah, Peggy thought the two seemed terribly comfortable with each other for two people who had only met once in passing.

Peggy wasn't sure if Steve caught it when Bucky passed the coffee creamer but not the sugar to Sarah without request. It was a show of familiarity that shocked Peggy, and not much shocked Peggy.

She tried to concentrate on the story Sarah was telling about Steve's early experience with bullies and how she was forever getting calls from school about her son getting into fights because he was standing up for someone or protecting someone else.

"I had so many arguments with the principal and teachers," she laughed. "I'd tell them that I wasn't raising him to stand by and watch while people were treated poorly or bullied."

Steve smiled at her with the affection of a son, Bucky looked at her with the warmth of a lover. Not one who'd only imagined an affair with the woman next to him, but one who already knew her intimately. 

Peggy laughed as Steve conveyed his end of the story which consisted of self-defense classes and advisories from his mother to pick his battles wisely. But she worried.

As she suspected he would, Steve noticed her tension.

"What was wrong tonight?" He asked as they sat outside her apartment building in his car when he dropped her off.

Peggy knew better than to lie to Steve. They were too close, though they'd only known each other less than a year, and dated only a few months. Bucky had accused them of being reincarnated soul mates because they were so in tuned with each other.

"I was just thinking that Bucky really seems to like your mom," she said.

Why beat around the bush?

"What do you mean?" Steve was defensive. 

"Just that he laid off the flirting more quickly than he usually does," she said.

Partial truth.

Steve nodded but still studied her as if he knew that was only half the story.

"What would you do if Bucky really likes your mom?" She asked.

"You mean as more than just 'she's the nice mom of my friend?'" 

Peggy waited for his answer.

"I doubt that would happen," he said. "Bucky is kinda young for that."

"For real love?" Peggy asked and rested her hand on Steve's chest.

The passion flared in his eyes immediately. Steve restrained himself well, and Peggy would be lying if she said she didn't ache for their relationship to become more physical, but she knew Steve wanted everything perfect, and that he wanted her to be sure enough in their relationship before having sex. Which, Peggy had finally translated into Steve needed to be sure.

"I mean, she's older than him," he said.

Peggy raised an eyebrow at him. She was two years older than Steve, which in college years was ten to most boys.

"Peggy, what are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that I've never seen Bucky look at anyone the way he looked at your mom tonight."

The pain on Steve's face surprised Peggy.

"What is it Steve?" She asked.

He shook his head.

"I'll talk to him," Steve said, his tone bitter.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said and took a deep breath before he leaned in and kissed her goodnight.

"I love you, Peggy," he said.

He'd said it often but tonight there seemed to be more behind the words.

"I love you too, Stephen," she said.

Peggy tried not to worry as she readied for bed that night, but the look on Steve's face as he drove away was one that usually meant trouble. 


	6. A Question of Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sarah have a long overdue heart-to-heart, and Peggy, well, sometimes she's as impulsive as Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently read a cross-over fic where Bucky is in Sleepy Hollow with Crane and Mills. He calls Steve "Stephen Grant Martyr." I thought it was an appropriate description. :D

Steve could not remember being so angry in his life. How could Bucky use the information Steve had shared about his mom to get her to go to bed with him?

He didn't bother going home. Barnes had told him he'd spent the night with a woman he met at a club, and Steve was now certain where he'd find his supposed friend.

He pulled up in front of his mother's hotel and handed his keys to the valet. He waited impatiently at the elevator then marched down the hall when he stepped out onto his mother's floor.

He didn't hesitate but pounded on her door. It took her 30 seconds to answer the door and when she did, she was already in her robe.

Steve glanced at the closed door of the bathroom. He shoved past his mom and threw open the door.

The room was empty. Steve stomped over to the closet and slid open the door.

"Would you like to check under the bed?" Sarah asked.

"Where is he?" Steve growled.

"He's not here," Sarah said.

She shut the door and stood in front of it blocking Steve's exit.

"Move out of my way," Steve said.

"Why? What will you do when you see him?"

"I'm going to break every bone in his fucking body,"

"Steve," Sarah gasped, surprised obviously by his swearing and his anger.

"Get out of my way, mom," he said.

"Sit down Steve," she told him.

"I'm not in the mood to talk, get out of my way," he raised his voice.

"Sit down now, Steve," Sarah's voice was even and firm as she crossed her arms across the chest.

He finally truly looked at her. Though he was sure his look would melt metal, she was unaffected.

He sat in the chair with a huff.

Sarah stood by the door for a minute before she was sure Steve wouldn't bolt out after Bucky.

"We need to talk," she said.

"What is there to talk about?" Steve grumbled.

"I don't want you to hate Bucky because of what happened between him and me."

"Not possible," Steve said. "He's lucky I won't kill him."

"Are you going to kill every person I've ever slept with?"

"Not every person was pretending to be my friend then using information I told him in confidence to seduce my mother," he said.

"Information?"

"About your, uh," Steve realized he had just talked himself into a corner.

Sarah didn't look as if she was completely sure what he was talking about.

"I know, mom," he said. "I know about the clubs and the men."

Sarah stared at him in shock.

"Bucky said we needed to talk," she finally said and sat in the other chair. "But he didn't tell me you knew."

"Why else would he have done what he did?"

Sarah took a deep breath.

"Steve, Bucky and I met before you introduced us."

"What?"

"We met at a club," she said. "We, uh, spent the night together."

Her face flushed pink.

"How did you know about the clubs?" She asked.

"I followed you," he said.

"What?"

"When I was 16," he told her. "I followed you one night."

"Steve, why didn't you say something?"

"I was too ashamed," he said.

Sarah's face fell.

"I'm sorry Steve, you weren't supposed to know," she said.

"No, mom, I wasn't ashamed of you, I was ashamed of what I'd forced you to do."

"What you...?" She paused. "What are you talking about? You never forced me to go out to clubs and pick up people for sex."

Steve winced at the frankness of her statement.

"Because guys didn't want both of us," he said. "I get that you were lonely, but if it hadn't been for me you could have found a guy to marry and even been able to have some kids."

Steve took a deep breath and tried to tamp down on his emotions. Looking at his mom was no help. She looked horrified at his confession.

"Steve, it's not your fault," she said. "None of it is."

"But if Joseph had just let you put me up for adoption..."

"I would have missed out on the best part of my life," Sarah interrupted.

"Steve, I have never been sorry for myself that I raised you," she said. "I've been sorry you had to go through some of the things you did, what Joseph did to you, I wish I had been more brave back then."

She sighed.

"I guess that's why, the first time you stood up to that brat, Brock, at preschool, I told you I was proud of you. I wanted you to be brave. I wanted you to know that you didn't have to be bullied. I wanted you to stand up for others.

"It hasn't been easy, and, yes, I'm lonely, but I have never regretted one minute being your mom and raising you." she said.

"But you told grandma..."

Steve stopped when he realized he'd talked himself into another corner.

"What, Steve?"

"You told her that you didn’t want to date because guys didn't want me as well as you," he said.

"Oh, Steve," she sighed and reached over and took his hand.

"That's their problem, not yours," she said. "Just because they were jerks, doesn't have anything to do with you."

"But you're lonely," he said.

"And who's to say I wouldn't have been just as lonely if I'd married?" she asked. "Something I've noticed is that marriage doesn't necessarily mean togetherness. Having a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you have someone who loves you."

Steve wasn't sure if he wanted to ask his next question, but since their were airing the laundry...

"Is that why you go out and...?" He couldn't finish the sentence. It was too much to think about.

"I suppose it is," she said sadly. "There's no attachment, so there's no pain."

They were quiet for a while.

"I'm sorry you've been thinking these things," she said. "I wish I'd known."

Steve shook his head.

"I didn't want you to feel worse," he said. "I'm sorry."

"And I'm sorry I let Joseph abuse us as long as I did," she said.

"No, mom, you were afraid,"he said.

"Still."

"No," Steve was firm. "I don't want you to blame yourself for what he did. He's..."

Steve took a breath to try to calm himself at the memory of Joseph looming over his mother, his fist coming down across her back as she curled up to protect herself.

"Steve," Sarah's voice was soft. "Maybe we should talk to someone," she said. "What happened to us...I thought if we just went on and lived good lives, we'd be OK. I didn't know it still haunted you."

"I remember what he did to you," he said.

"And what he did to you?" she asked.

Steve nodded.

"I'm sorry, Steve," she said, her voice quivered as she tried to fight the tears.

Steve stood and pulled her into his arms.

"It's OK, mom," he said. "I'm not angry."

"At me, maybe, but what about yourself?"

Steve sighed.

"Steve, none of what happened is your fault. You didn't ask for your life, I gave it to you. And what you've done with it is amazing. I'm so proud of you. Especially for the way you care about people. But you don't need to carry that weight on your shoulders. There are people who will help you."

"You mean Peggy?"

Sarah nodded against his chest.

"She does, mom, so much. It's as if we were made for each other. I've never felt like this."

His throat caught with emotion.

"Terrifying, isn't it?"she asked.

"Yeah," he managed. "I don't want to hurt her."

"You won't, at least not in the way you are thinking you might."

"What if I...?"

"You aren't him," Sarah said. "You are as opposite him as anyone could be."

"That's because of you, mom," he said. "You showed me what love is."

He held her tighter. It was the first time he'd cried in her arms since high school when he'd been in so much pain from a growth spurt that had him growing an inch a month for nearly two years.

"I miss you, mom," he admitted. "Some days I want to come home."

"Some days I want you to come home," she said. "But you belong here. Particularly, you belong here with Peggy, and Bucky."

"Bucky, huh?" Steve's voice was gruff.

"He cares about you, Steve," Sarah told him. "He's worried about what you remember. "

"Did he tell you?"

Sarah shook her head.

"He only said you remember more than I thought and that we should talk."

Steve sighed.

"I guess he's right," he said.

"I love you, Steve, and I don't want you blaming yourself for what's happened in my life. These are my decisions. I tried to protect you as much as I could. And I still wish you didn't know about certain parts."

Steve wished he didn't know either. Especially about her and Bucky.

"Mom, it doesn't change how I feel about you," he said.

"And Bucky?"

"I'm working in that."

* * *

Steve lay on his bed and dialed Peggy.

"I do hope you are not calling me from jail," she said when she picked up. "I'm not about to bail you out for this stupidity."

"Very funny," he said.

"Is Barnes still alive?"

"Yes,"

"And in one piece?"

"Yes,"

"And..."

"Everything's fine," Steve said. "And thanks."

"What for?"

"You called him, didn't  you,"

His words were met with silence.

"It's OK," he said. "It was better that he wasn't there when I got there."

"Did you talk to your mom about it?"

"And a few other things," he said.

He was quiet and Peggy waited. God, she was always waiting on him.

"I love you so much, Peggy," he said. "It scares me how much I love you."

"I know," she said.

"I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt you," he said. "Sometimes I get angry about things and what if I get angry with you and I..."

"Stephen, you would never do such a thing,"

"Wouldn't I?" He asked. "I was going to beat Bucky tonight. If he'd been there I don't think I could have stopped myself."

"Is Sam there?" She asked.

"No, I think he's gone somewhere with Nat,"

"Bucky?"

Steve didn't answer right away. He knew Bucky wouldn't be back tonight, probably not any night Sarah was in town.

"He's with my mom," he whispered hoarsely.

"I'm going to come over," she said.

He heard her car start. She must have already been thinking this.

"Peggy, I don't want it like this," he said.

"Hmm, you must be thinking about it a lot if that's the first place your thoughts go," he could hear her smile.

"Um, yeah, I do, it's just I want," he paused.

"I know Stephen, don't worry, nothing's going to happen like that tonight."

An hour later, Steve stared at the ceiling of his bedroom, his arms full of Peggy, her breath in steady puffs across his chest.

She had taken his hand and lead him upstairs when he opened the door for her. Then she'd undressed in front of him. She was even more beautiful than he'd imagined and he completely forgot how to speak.

She crawled under the covers and Steve found his voice.

"I thought you said."

"We're just going to sleep," she said.

"But you, uh."

"I trust you Stephen," she said.

He stared at her a long time letting it sink in, this trust she had for him, so great she knew even her body was safe with him, that he would do nothing without her permission.

With shaky fingers, he pulled off his pants. He crawled into the small bed beside her and pulled her into his arms.

Her skin was smooth and cool against his and he could imagine falling asleep like this every night.

"I love you, Stephen, you're a good man," she said.

"I love you too, Peggy, so much," he said.

Steve woke the next morning and immediately missed Peggy's presence. He dressed and bounded down the stairs to find her sitting on the couch drinking tea and eating some toast.

"I was afraid," he glanced away.

"I'm not leaving," she said. "If you'd like I'll stay tonight as well."

"You don't need to do that, " he definitely couldn't look at her as he said that. He wanted her to stay, maybe more than he'd ever wanted anything.

Peggy hummed thoughtfully.

"Stephen," she said. There was a command in her voice that turned Steve's head.

"Get some breakfast."

They walked after breakfast. The neighborhood was an older one and the streets were lined with large, aged trees. It kept the heat at bay for a little longer.

They finally made their way to the creek that ran through the middle of town and scrambled over the rocks to sit on one of the larger boulders together.

Peggy threaded her fingers through his and Steve relaxed against her.

"Do you ever think about where you'll be in ten years? Or twenty?"

Steve swallowed the lump that threatened his breath. He'd thought about it a lot, more so since he'd met Peggy. He dreamed of a future with her, wondered what it would be like.

"Yes," he said softly.

"I wonder what we'll be like, and where we'll be living," she said.

Did she see them together? Could she imagine falling asleep with him each night as they had last night?

Her hand reached up to stroke his arm.

"Do you think about what it will be like when we're parents?"

Steve's breath caught again as he wondered how to take her words. Was she talking about them together?

"I wonder if our kids will look more like you or me," she said.

She was. He turned toward her.

"Me too," he whispered.

"What do you see in our future, Stephen?"

She turned her face toward him and Steve watched as the sunlight filtered through the trees above them and seemed to dance across her skin.

"I want to make you happy. I want to make you proud. I want to help you achieve your dreams. I want to help you help others."

Her lips turned up into a bigger smile.

"I've never known anyone like you," she told him. "I've been all over the world with my mother's diplomatic duties, but I've never know a man so honest and true."

She reached up to his face and traced the curve of his jaw.

"I'm so very glad we met, Stephen," she said. "You make my life so much better, so full of everything I never thought I would have."

Steve could only stare at her in surprise. Her words, he could have said those to her. She was everything he'd ever hoped for, if he'd ever allowed himself to hope before he met her.

"I will wait for you," she said. "And I will always be here."

Steve closed his eyes in relief.

He was startled briefly by her lips on his, but he responded to her gentle press.

Kissing Peggy was like tasting sweet honey. Steve wanted to savor it, her lips, her scent, the way she sighed softly as he deepened the kiss. Everything about her was warm and lively in a way he'd never known before her.

He smiled affectionately when he pulled away.

"There's never been anyone else for me, Peg," he said. "I don't want to mess this up."

Peggy leaned into his embrace.

"We won't, because I know I can trust you."

Images of the night before, her naked body against his as they slept, came to mind.

"I'm glad, but if I ever see you naked again, I'm not sure I'll want to be such a gentleman."

Peggy chuckled.

"If I ever see you naked again, I'm certain I won't want you to be a gentleman."


	7. The Other Side of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s POV before and after Steve crashed the party.

Bucky followed Sarah to the hotel and up to her room. They undressed each other as they walked toward the bed. 

"You're so damn beautiful," he said as he watched her lay back on the bed. 

She spread her legs and propped herself up on her elbows. Bucky dropped to his knees and reached for her hips to pull her to him.

"Fuck yes, Bucky," she sighed as he opened her folds and took a long, slow lick.

"You're so good at that," she said.

She lay back and dug her fingers into his hair, her nails scraping across his scalp.

"I love what you can do with your tongue and lips and teeth," she said. "Fuck, you make me so wet."

He slipped two fingers inside her cunt. Her moan was deep and Bucky felt it vibrate through his body. 

He raised his head for a breath.

"Fuck, you keep making noises like that and I'm gonna cum all over the floor."

Sarah chuckled and Bucky went back to the work of pleasuring her. Soon the noises she was making were short, high gasps and she was begging for release. He teased her as long as he could hold out then sucked on her clit to push her over the edge.

He stood to watch her catch her breath, when she looked up at him he put his fingers into his mouth to slowly suck her off them.

She smiled and sat up and turned her attention to his cock. She placed her hands on his hips and leaned in to suck his tip.

Bucky whimpered.

"Oh, fuck, Sarah, damn. I want to fuck your mouth so bad," he said.

She slowly took him deeper as he whispered dirty, foul things to her.

His phone began ringing, Peggy's ringtone.

"That's Peggy," he barely managed with his cock so deep in Sarah's throat.

She pulled off him and Bucky tried to catch his breath before he answered.

"Everything OK?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound like he had the hardest cock.

"No," she said. "I'm afraid Stephen knows."

"Knows what?" Bucky tried to sound casual.

"About your little trysts with his mother," she sounded as if she was frustrated with his attempt to continue the charade.

"I, what?"

"Don't try to deny it, Barnes, I saw the way you looked at her tonight," she said. "He's on his way over there right now."

"Over where?"

"Oh, for godssakes, Bucky," Peggy chastised. "The hotel, and I'm fairly certain only one of you will leave _not_ on a stretcher."

Cold fear washed over him. He'd seen Steve angry, seen him direct that anger into a physical fight. Bucky was no wimpy thing, but Steve Rogers on the warpath was a terrifying, unstoppable force.

"Ok," he said, his voice choking out.

He hung up.

"Steve knows," he said without turning around. "And he's on his way here."

Bucky dressed and kissed Sarah one last time before taking the stairs to the lobby.

He sat down at the bar in the hotel lounge and ordered a beer, showing his fake ID when asked. Then he watched the front doors of the hotel for Steve's entrance. 

Sarah's son, because it was probably wrong to call Steve his friend now, marched straight for the lobby. There was no trace of the amiable, bashful young man Bucky met less than a year ago. This was a grown man on his way to mete out justice. And Bucky would think he deserved it, except whatever was happening between him and Sarah had passed the point of casual and was now edging dangerously toward significant. She was 16 years older than him. He still had the most formative years of his life ahead of him. 

A discontented sigh escaped his lips and Bucky ordered a second beer.

It was nearly two hours and two more beers later that Bucky watched a much calmer Steve walk back through the lobby. 

He felt oddly satisfied. Obviously Steve and Sarah had talked. They'd needed that and it was hard for Bucky to be sorry he'd been the catalyst.

Another woman approached him as he watched Steve wait for his car to be brought around. The fourth woman to do so tonight.

It surprised Bucky, not that he'd rebuffed the advances, but that he hadn't even found them attractive.

"Sorry, not interested," he said.

She gave him a petulant look but turned and sauntered away. Bucky didn't bother to look after her. Instead he watched Steve get into his car and drive away.

He gave it five minutes then returned to Sarah.

He slid the key card in the lock and opened the door. Sarah was looking up at him from the end of the bed. Her eyes were red with tears.

He went to her and held her as she cried. When she was spent she looked up at him.

"We didn't finish earlier," she said. She was trying to be seductive, and, truly she was, but he didn't want that now.

"I didn't come back for that," he said. "I wanted to make sure you were OK."

She was surprised and Bucky knew why. On this side of life, people weren't really worried about that. Getting their sexual desires fulfilled was always foremost.

Bucky stood and undressed to his briefs, then he took Sarah's robe off her and hung it in the closet. He took her to the bed and they fell to sleep as they held each other under the sheets.

For the first time in years, that gnawing loneliness that greeted him each morning didn't. He propped himself on his elbow and watched Sarah sleep. The stirrings of desire were there, but none of the heat and need, just his body's acknowledgement that there was a beautiful woman sleeping next to him.

But he worried. Worried what it meant and what he really wanted. He still wasn't sure if this was going anywhere. He just knew he felt closer to Sarah than he had to anyone in years.


	8. All's Well That Ends Well

Bucky sat at the kitchen table and listened to the muffled sounds of Peggy's and Steve's conversation upstairs. Sarah was leaving today and the two were going to have breakfast with her. Bucky said his goodbye's the night before and he wouldn't force himself into the situation. Things were strained enough, he didn't need to make them worse.  
  
He looked up as they came down the stairs. Steve stood at the bottom of the staircase and looked down the hall at Bucky.  
  
Peggy nudged him and gave him a look that from other people would have elicited a defensive reaction from Steve. He nodded at Peggy and walked toward Bucky.  
  
They hadn't talked since Steve had found out about Bucky's affair with Sarah. Bucky had avoided him.  
  
"My mom's leaving today, " Steve said awkwardly.  
  
Bucky nodded. He still wasn't sure how he felt about that. He still wasn't sure how he felt about Sarah.  
  
"We're going to have breakfast with her before she heads to the airport," Steve said. "And, uh, we were wondering if you'd like to come with."  
  
"It's probably better if I don't, " he said. "I don't want there to be trouble between us in front of your mom."  
  
"There won't be, Bucky," he said. "Look, I don't know what's going on between you two, but if it's something you're both happy with, then I guess I'm OK with it."  
  
"Is it OK with Sarah if I come along?"  
  
Steve shrugged.  
  
"I would guess," he said.  
  
Bucky sat in the back seat of Steve's car and controlled his breathing. This would be the first time the four of them were together since Steve found out.  
  
He'd been trying to figure out, beyond sex, what this was. It didn't feel the same as it was with Natasha. Yet, in a way it did.  
  
He was too confused right now to figure it out. But there was this thought that he wouldn't be able to look at another woman for a long time.  
  
Steve had been right about him. He had never thought of a single person he'd had sex with as a fellow human. He'd looked to have his needs met, and, if he was honest, it was no longer about getting Natasha out of his system.  
  
Sarah had changed that. At least a little. Finding out she was Steve's mom gave him a touchstone, a piece of reality he had ignored. To him it didn't matter that the other person wanted it too. He used to care about those things, used to care about people. If he was honest, and now he was going to force himself to be, this hadn't been about getting over Natasha. If it had, he'd have done like she had, found a good person to be with. He'd been doing this to spite her. Trying to make her jealous. But it hadn't.  
  
He thought of Sarah's loneliness and wondered how many people he'd been with who felt like her but he would never know them well enough to care or help. And he felt like a cad, as his grandfather used to say about people just like him.  
  
There was a time Bucky cared, that was how he and Natasha had met, he'd reached out to her and eventually it had led to more than friendship.  
  
He wanted to be that person again. Not this bitter person he'd become. Sarah made him want that, and Steve made him want that too.  
  
They arrived at the restaurant and Bucky had more butterflies than the day he'd asked Nat to marry him.  
  
Sarah looked nervous when she first saw them, but Steve put her at ease. The meal wasn't exactly without it's strain, but he supposed that was to be expected.  
  
It was difficult to watch Sarah drive off. Something pulled at him to follow her, but he got back into Steve's car and they drove home.

* * *

"Maybe I should find another place," he said that night to Steve and Sam. "This has all gotten too weird."  
  
Sam chuckled.  
  
"We're like the soap opera house," Sam said.  
  
Even Steve laughed about that.  
  
"Give it time," Steve said.  
  
Bucky gave Steve a surprised look.  
  
"Hey, if you can be friends with Sam despite him dating your ex," Steve started to laugh as both men gaped at him.  
  
"How stupid do you think I am?" Steve asked still laughing at them.  
  
They all laughed at that.  
  
"Not stupid enough to leave your girlfriend's undies in the hamper," Sam said.  
  
"What? She did?"  
  
Poor Steve was turning pink.  
  
"No, but I thought something was going on."  
  
"Uh, no," Steve said. "She just stayed over the other night. "  
  
"And nothing happened?" Sam was incredulous.  
  
"No, she just slept here," Steve said.  
  
"I'd never believe you if you weren't such a lousy liar," he said.

* * *

Bucky heard Steve come in from work late that night and considered shutting his bedroom door so he wouldn't have to see Bucky as he passed by.  
  
Instead of passing by, Steve leaned on the door jamb.  
  
"I hope you won't find another place," he said. "You're a good friend, and I know you'd never have, uh..."  
  
"If I'd known, I wouldn't have," he said.  
  
They were quiet and Bucky tried to find a way to explain how he felt about Sarah.  
  
"She really is an amazing woman," he said.  
  
Steve only nodded.  
  
"I don't know what will happen between us now," Bucky said. He hadn't intended to sound so melancholy.  
  
Steve looked intently at him and Bucky began to feel self-conscious.  
  
"Do you want something to happen with her?" He asked.  
  
Bucky took a deep breath and let it out very slowly.  
  
"I want her to be happy," he said. "I don't want her to feel alone."  
  
Again, Steve stared at him a long time, but Bucky held his gaze.  
  
Steve's phone ringing broke his attention.  
  
"It's Peggy," he said. And walked away to answer it.  
  
Bucky felt a weight he hadn't for a long time as he lay down in bed that night. Allowing himself to feel again reminded him of why he'd started sleeping around in the first place. He understood why Sarah went out to clubs, and he wouldn't blame her for doing the same when she went home. But to Bucky it all seemed vacuous now. The loneliness was intense, but to be surrounded by people he'd never connect to sounded worse right now.

* * *

Sarah stared out the window of the hospital cafeteria. The rain was coming down in sheets. Usually that depressed her, but today she wanted to walk out in it and let it wash away her feelings.  
  
She must be pretty pathetic to have the ones she did. Too many years alone, she reasoned. Too many years with no one to talk to who understood that.  
  
And Bucky probably understood more than most young men, but he was still just that, young.  
  
Sarah sighed and tried to control her thoughts. It was useless to think about him. He was too young for her.  
  
There was a long list of reasons she and Bucky would never work. She accepted that.  
  
But it had been nice to be with a man who was more than sex. She wasn't sure she'd ever really experienced that.  
  
She'd gone back to the club scene, even hooked up a few times, but it no longer numbed her pain, it only made it worse. Steve knew now, so when he asked what she'd been doing, the question had a whole new meaning. And Bucky had made her wonder if it wasn't possible to have more.  
  
She took her tray and dumped her trash and went back to work. It was better to just not think of it.  
  
For four years she tried not to think about it. There was an unspoken rule between herself and Steve that Bucky wasn't to be mentioned in conversations. Not even a year later when Sam transferred to a school in another state and he and Natasha parted ways. Sarah wondered how Bucky felt, if he'd try to get back together with her. But she started dating a guy on the archery team and Sarah didn't ask.  
  
A year after that, Peggy graduated and she and Steve got a place together. Sarah didn't ask who Bucky was living with. Steve didn't offer the information.  
  
Steve brought Peggy home for Christmas every other year and though Sarah got the feeling the ruse annoyed Peggy, the woman didn't mention Bucky either.  
  
Sarah tried to date. But she never mentioned the dates to Steve. She didn't want the news to make its way back to Bucky. Besides, the dates never went anywhere. The divorced men were either too whiny or just looking for someone to take care of their kids, and the men who'd managed to remain single into their 40s were just, well, off. Fitting into the stereotypical guy who would probably live in his parents basement if his parents had one.  
  
In the end it came down to the fact that Sarah now had an ideal. She'd never had that before. She'd drifted along in life knowing only that whatever guy she dated had to want Steve as well. But beyond that, she'd had no idea what the relationship should be like. Now she thought she did and now that made it even more difficult to find someone she wanted to be with.  
  
For four years she thought all these things. For four years she considered calling Bucky and telling him all these things. But Bucky was a young man, his whole life ahead of him. Sarah's life, while not empty, was half over, and she had no right to try to pull him into that.  
  
People would talk. About him, about her. No one would understand. Maybe if it had been reversed and Bucky older and she younger people would have been OK with that. But it wasn't, and she didn’t know if she wanted to put up with the whispers and looks and comments.  
  
So she remained silent, and so did Steve.  
  
But, four years later, she knew she couldn’t avoid it.

* * *

Bucky's name was called long before Steve's. Sarah watched as he walked across the stage and took the diploma with one hand while shaking the dean's hand with the other. His hair was longer now, and he didn't swagger like he used to. He looked confident, his posture straight and his stride sure. Sarah swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat and didn't dare glance at Peggy who was sitting next to her. It had to be obvious to anyone who knew her that seeing Bucky again affected her.

When the ceremony was over, Steve found them.

"I'm so proud of you," Sarah said as they hugged each other.

Steve looked at her in the nervous way he had since she'd arrived yesterday then glanced at Peggy who handed him a card.

Steve gave it to Sarah who looked between the two. Steve, still nervous, and Peggy, and how hadn't she noticed this before, was, as it is often said, positively glowing.

Sarah ripped open the card and let out a quiet gasp. This time she let the tears flow as she looked up at Steve, then back at the card with an ultrasound picture on the cover.

She hugged Steve again. She didn't know what to say. She'd never been so overcome with happiness.

Sarah walked toward her car along with the throngs of other parents and relatives. She'd meet Peggy and Steve at a restaurant they'd made reservations at.

Her thoughts were suddenly full of babies and other future plans with Steve and Peggy and she didn't notice someone step beside her and match her slow stride.

She stopped at the light and an all too familiar voice was in her ear.

"I have to say that you are the finest looking grandma I've ever seen," Bucky's voice was deep and seductive as it had been the night they'd met.

She turned in surprise and almost threw her arms around him. But she stopped herself.

Bucky's hands were behind his back, he'd removed the cap and gown, and the look he gave her was heated.

He finally pulled his hands out from behind his back to reveal a small bouquet of flowers and handed them to her.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting the flowers today?" she asked as she accepted them.

Bucky looked as if he was fighting some sort of internal battle and he glanced away from her for a second before quickly pulling her into his arms and crushing his lips to hers. Sarah responded eagerly. Her hand with the flowers wrapped around his back and the other went up into his hair in an attempt to pull him closer if that was possible.

"Oh, god, I missed you," he said when they parted for breath.

"I missed you too," she said.

Then he pulled her back into his arms again and she rested her head on his chest.

The light changed, people walked past. It changed again, and people stopped around them. It changed, and they left.

Sarah didn't want to move. She had spent four years imagining Bucky moving on, finding someone his own age he could have a future with. It hadn't been extremely painful, she'd wanted him to be happy. But now, the hope she'd locked away had escaped and she wasn't even sure her feet could carry her to her car now.

"I suppose we should go," he finally said. "Steve and Peggy will be thinking we decided to skip lunch and headed straight for the hotel."

"Steve knows?" she asked. She didn't need to specify what.

Bucky nodded.

"He's known for a long time," Bucky said. "I even got all old-fashioned and asked his permission."

Sarah laughed and slid her hand down his arm to take his hand in hers. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper and handed it to her.

She opened it and read the words with surprise.

"This is in...?" she gasped.

Bucky smiled.

"Yeah, I can't believe Steve has been able to keep that a secret," he said. "I was accepted six months ago."

Sarah looked back at the acceptance letter for grad school at the university only a mile away from her house.

"So, um, you have a place to live yet?" she asked.

"Well, they have some grad student housing," he said, his look mischievous. "Or I could rent an apartment, I suppose..."

He leaned and pressed his lips against her ear.

"Or there's this really hot grandma I know, maybe she'll let me sleep on her sofa in exchange for favors," he said.

Sarah let out a controlled breath even as she felt her core go wet.

"She might," she said. "But if you call her grandma again, she'll probably make you go a month without cuming."

Bucky's eyes darkened.

"Oh, fuck, we better get to lunch or I'm gonna just take you in the car right here in the parking lot."

Sarah laughed again and leaned into his shoulder as they walked to her car.

"Wait, what about your family?" she asked.

Bucky tensed.

"My step-mother's daughter's best friend is graduating at a different school today," he said. "They went to that after I was handed my diploma."

Sarah was torn between a desire to cry and a desire to find Bucky's asshole father and throw her fist against his jaw.

"Oh, hell, now I see where Steve gets it," Bucky was smiling.

"Bucky," she wasn't sure what to say.

"I've dealt with it," he said. "I even went to therapy and everything"

"Still," she said.

Bucky shook his head.

"The birthday after I met you, Steve took me out because my dad decided to go to some conference out of town," he explained. "He told me he knew I had feelings for you and he wanted me to understand that he'd always be family to me and that blood was not thicker than water, and all that emotional stuff Steve likes to say."

Sarah smiled through her tears and nodded.

* * *

Lunch was probably one of the best celebrations Sarah had ever attended. It was small, just the four of them, but she'd never felt this content, this happy. Steve and Peggy had obviously accepted Bucky and everything that would mean between him and Sarah. It felt like family and Sarah could only think that this would be wonderful to have all the time. But she'd never force Steve and Peggy to uproot themselves, as long as they were happy where they were, Sarah would be content.

Bucky went with Sarah to the hotel afterward and she was surprised how nervous she was. She hadn't been expecting this at all. But Bucky had definitely been thinking about it.

"Oh, fuck, you are still as beautiful as ever," he said when he undressed her. "I have been fantasizing about this moment for months."

Sarah smirked at him as she lay down on the bed.

"Show me what you've been thinking," she said.

Bucky had apparently been having a lot of slow burn fantasies. His lips and hands passed over her body methodically and thoroughly as he tasted and touched every part of her. Sarah was a wet mess by the time Bucky sheathed himself and sank into her.

"Fuck, so tight," he said.

Sarah could only moan, all coherent thoughts scattering as he pushed himself deeply inside her.

In and out, slowly building and building, words of lust rolling off his tongue into her ear and Sarah could only pant and whine. It had been so long since she'd felt this good, since the last time he'd fucked her in a hotel four  years ago.

"Touch yourself," he said. "Help me make you cum."

Sarah reached between them with a shaky hand as Bucky looked down at her his eyes dark with desire.

She shuddered as she flicked her finger over her clit.

"Did you do this while you were away from me?" he asked. "Did you touch yourself and think about me the way I did you?"

She nodded.

He kissed her as he began to thrust harder.

"Damn, I've missed you," he stuttered as he began to jerk quickly into her.

"Cum, baby, cum, I need to feel you before me," he said.

Sarah flicked her finger faster and felt herself begin to quiver.

"Yes, that's it," his voice was nearly keening now.

"Fuck, Sarah, fuck yes," he said.

She felt the wave of her orgasm break over her and she couldn't stop the shout that escaped her throat. He thrust into her over and over again and Sarah didn't let up on her clit. As he came he thrust until the second wave hit her, then they collapsed.

Bucky placed soft, slow kisses across her shoulder, her neck, and to the other shoulder.

"I have missed you," he said. "I could hardly stand to hear Steve talk about you."

"I've been the same," she said. "I was afraid I'd..."

He waited but she couldn't say the words.

"That you'd call me?" he asked. "That you'd ask me to come to you?"

She nodded.

"Is this about Steve or is this about your age?" he asked, his lips hovering over hers. "Because if you say it's your age, I'm gonna have to get checked for an old lady fetish."

They laughed and slowly Sarah rolled him off her and propped herself up on her elbow. He reached over to take one breast in his hand and she sighed.

"Bucky, I am 16 years older than you," she said.

"Actually, you know, I did the math and you are only 15 years, 11 months older than me," he smiled.

"Bucky," she shook her head.

"Sarah," he mocked.

He began to suck at the nipple of her other breast and Sarah moaned in pleasure.

"I don't care about the age thing," he said. "I've had four years to think about it."

He pushed her onto her back and slid his other hand down between her legs.

"I'm not asking you to marry me," he paused. "Yet."

She could almost feel him smirk as she sighed in pleasure at the feel of his fingers pushing apart her folds.

"I just want to see what we could be, what we could have if given time," he said.

His thumb slid across her clit at the same moment his bit lightly on her nipple and Sarah whimpered again.

"I tried to date other women the last four years," he said, two fingers sinking into her core. "It wasn't the same. There's something about you, Sarah, and I want to find out what it is."

He pressed his fingers deeply into her and began to thrust them.

"Fuck, Bucky, that's so damn good, deeper, fuck, faster," she groaned.

"So, what do you say we give this whole thing a try?" he was smiling at her now, mocking her with his cool, collected look while she was coming undone in his hands.

"Make me cum and we'll talk about it," she growled.

His eyes darkened and he shook.

"Yes, ma'am," his whisper was gruff and he moved his face quickly between her legs, lapping at her cunt.

Sarah dug her fingers into his long hair and begged him for release.

When she finally obtained it, Bucky was gasping for breath along with her.

"Fuck," she said. "I have missed this."

"Missed me being your bitch?" Bucky panted as he tried to catch his breath.

Sarah laughed at him.

"Just you, period," she said. "I've missed you."

He rolled over and pulled her into his arms.

"So is that a request for me to move in with you?" he asked.

"Yes, I suppose it is," she said.

* * *

Sarah's and Bucky's phones rang simultaneously in the middle of the night six months later. The same caller.

"Conference calling?" Bucky mumbled as he picked up his phone. "Who the hell does that anymore?"

"What is it?" Sarah's voice was hopeful but cautious.

Peggy's pregnancy had been difficult and she'd spent the last two months on moderate bed rest. It had been difficult for Sarah when both Peggy and Steve insisted she wait for the baby to be born to use up her vacation days for a visit.

"It's a girl," Steve's voice.

"Oh, congratulations sweetheart," Sarah said.

"A girl?" Bucky sounded indignant. "A girl named James, how's that gonna work?"

Steve laughed.

"Did you really think you even made the list?" he asked.

"Is Peggy OK?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah, she's great," Steve answered and Bucky felt Sarah relax next to him. He leaned over to press a kiss to her temple. She really had been so worried.

"When are her folks coming to visit?" Bucky asked, because she knew Sarah was worried about that as well.

"Her mom's gonna stop by for two days on her way to Hong Kong," Steve said. "That's next week, though."

Bucky would never understand the whole mother preference thing. Why the mother of the mother got first dibs on a visit. Sarah was far more involved in Steve's and Peggy's lives than Peggy's parents had time for so he figured that gave her the right to the first visit.

"Her dad will here as soon as he can, which is probably two days from now," he said.

Bucky hung up his phone and threw the covers off as he he switched on the bedside lamp.

Sarah didn't pay him any attention until she realized he was packing their clothes.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Getting us ready to go," he said. "What does it look like?"

"I can't just leave, you can't just leave," she said.

Bucky could imagine Steve laughing on the other end of the line.

"Watch us," he said. "I already arranged it."

"What?"

"Well, I got Maria to promise to take your shift as soon as the baby came," he said. "And she arranged the rest."

Sarah just stared at him.

"But we don't have tickets," she said when she finally found her voice.

"Yeah, we do, I told my dad I wanted his flyer miles so you could go see the baby right away and he gave them to me, all we have to do is call the airline or go online and get the tickets right now," he said.

Sarah gaped at him before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm her emotions. Bucky would be lying if he said he didn't get a thrill each time he did something like this and she had that reaction.

"I think you're right," she said to something Steve said.

Bucky continued packing while Sarah finished the conversation getting all the vital information on the baby: Rose Ann,  19 in., 7lbs, 3oz. 

When she hung up, she watched him finish. He leaned over and kissed her.

"Why don't you get into the shower and I'll get the tickets?" He told her.

"I love you," she said.

Every time she said those words, Bucky felt it in every fiber of his being.

"I love you," he smiled as he watched her walk toward the bath.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin


End file.
